Last week, after almost 4 years of marriage, the dreadfully charming Mr. Right and I stood before a judge in Seattle District Court after listening to small-claims-“this woman harrassed me”-hell for over an hour (but that’s a whole ‘nother story) and had our names officially changed. I tacked on his last name as my last name and he took my last name as his second middle name. Hm, that’s confusing. To make things clear, now our names are something like this:
Dreadfully Charming Mr. Right becomes: Dreadfully Charming Cawrse Right
Janna Marie Cawrse becomes: Janna Marie Cawrse Right
And kiddo is: Bungleofjoy Cawrse Right
It’s an unusual solution to a humdinger dilemma. And we’re still trying to figure out the details.
On the bright side, here’s what I love about our new names:
1) our family shares a common name
2) better yet, our family shares 2 common names
3) we each made a change to make this happen
But do we have to call every bank, company, organization, doctor, and agency ad nauseum and officially change our names with them? Sounds like a pain in the patutti. Any advice out there for this herculean task?
And my head is still whirling a bit with the thought of becoming the abbreviated Ms. Janna Right (which is what already shows up on some of our bills since I’ve been trying on my new last name for a while now and I’ve learned that middle names don’t seem to count much with Seattle Public Utilities, the phone company, and interest-free loan offers. Hmm…)
If there’s anyone out there who’s made this name transition with grace, please let me know, because I think I could use a little grace right about now. Especially from someone who is hung up like I am on the whole social-political-theoretical-historical-women-as-chattel stuff…but who, at the same time, genuinely wants to share a common name with her family.
Does it just take some time to get used to? And, what about using different names in different contexts? Jeez, I’ve got four of ’em now, so can I just mix and match middles and lasts and pen names and business names and social names and such?
So, as is typical with me, the questions swirl. But did I mention that I simply couldn’t stop grinning as the judge pronounced us Right and Right?
Janna, aka Happily Even After, 35, Seattle
Thirty Voices 
May 30, 2007 at 8:18 pm
congrats on your name change. I am guessing you had to go through a judge because it involved middle names etc where as when you change your surname through marriage its a case of showing around your certificate?
May 30, 2007 at 10:29 pm
I don’t know. I was actually really surprised that we had to go to court to do it, and I wondered if others have to jump through these hoops. I’m not sure why we did. Maybe b/c it happened long after our wedding? I recall receiving some form when we got our marriage cert, but of course we were undecided at that point and didn’t use it. Or is it b/c my hubby changed his name–and guys don’t usually do that? I really don’t know…
I’m curious what process most people go through when changing names due to marriage…
May 30, 2007 at 11:41 pm
me too.. anyone?!
May 31, 2007 at 2:27 am
Well… I can tell you from a business perspective on what we look for at work…. I think when you change your name, you have to change your drivers license… and then… you should change your social security card… umm… and other bills…
Im not actually sure about the bills… but the DL and Social Security card are def. important. 🙂
May 31, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Congratulations! Speaking as someone that uses one name for work and another for everything else I can testify that it can all get a little confusing – mainly when signing things. In the UK the whole name change thing is a nuisance. You need your marriage certificate, cycling proficiency certificate and 50 metre swim certificate to get a parking permit these days. Grrrr.
May 31, 2007 at 4:18 pm
When I got married, I legally tacked on his last name, using three names, no hyphen. I thought this allowed me to keep my identity, but yet showed my commitment to him. And, it sounded good 🙂
Five years later, when we divorced (and believe me, I thought he was my Mr. Right), I was very thankful I kept my last name. It was still a pain in the ass to drop his name (the divorce decree does that, but then you still need to go to the Social Security office, etc.), but in the year-long wait for that, I was able to drop his name unofficially – in signing up for a new bank account, in getting my drivers’ license – because I still had my last name.
I don’t mean to sound like a bitter divorced girl (cause really, I’m not), but I will never, ever change my name for a man again.
~ lola
May 31, 2007 at 5:22 pm
I’m totally changing my last name when I get married – even though I know its going to be a massive intercontinental battle between US red tape and UK red tape – you kidding me? After years of being at the bottom of the alphabet
– I will finally be at the top (A).
June 4, 2007 at 7:36 am
I totally understand this dilemma because I have the same one myself.
My husband has a double-barrelled name (12 letters in total with the hyphen)
I don’t want to get rid of my family name (that would just be weird and like loosing part of my identity) but if I keep my name and add my husbands, I end up with a 3 surname, 20 letter surname!
Since I live in the land of bureaucratic form-filling this could get a little tiresome..