Amy, Germany

First, the really great news. We are going home to Germany TODAY!! Goodbye Taiwan. Goodbye hotel room. Goodbye eating every meal in a restaurant. (Trust me, it does get old.) And goodbye Thirty Voices?

They say that all good things must come to an end, and I suppose it’s true. After all, we all grow and change, things are always in a constant state of flux making it impossible to realistically remain the same for always and forever. But I like to think that because of this perpetual forward motion that things simply grow into other things. (more…)




Dear Younger Self,

I look back on you and smile and cringe all at once. You have fought and struggled, you have succeeded and achieved some great things, and you have kept smiling though it all. There are things I wish I could tell you not to do and things I wish I could tell you to run from, but in the end it makes you who you are, and despite the regret you will feel I know how stubborn you are. You’re going to do it anyway. (more…)

Lately my husband and I have been having these little, moronic arguments that do little to serve other than vent frustration and discontent. Some of these arguments stem from recent trials we have had to overcome, some stem from not knowing how to pick up the pieces together (we both have great individual ideas), and some arguments stem from living in one room of a hotel, while large, it just doesn’t provide us each with our own space we need. On the brink of one of our mindless (and usually hurtful) arguments, we both simultaneously and without prompting from the other said, “What the hell are we doing”? We then went into a very constructive conversation about what we wanted, what we liked about each other, and the rest of it.

We went to sleep that night feeling very good about ourselves. The next day Andy went to work, and I dazed out the window thinking about fun things we could do. And then it came to me. I called Andy on his cell around noon and asked him out on a date. (more…)

OK, I’m weird, but it entertains me and those around me, so I like to call it “entertaining”. On that note, here are 7 entertaining things about me:

1. I see ghosts and feel strong energies around me all the time. While this has been happening since I was about 7 I still can’t get used to it.

2. I used to do “office ballet” early in the morning on the days I opened the restaurant, before anyone else got there. It was a good way to get a workout in. I am currently doing “in room exercise” in the hotel we are staying in.

3. I have always thought that if you had an aquarium full of miniature whales you could feed them sea monkeys.

4. I get really upset when my socks get wet too.

5. Collecting shells on a beach is like crack to me. I can’t stop looking for them.

6. I dance in my house when I’m by myself and talk to myself on a regular basis.

7. I have always wanted to go to the moon.

Amy, 34, Germany- Taiwan

What keeps me going when the shit hits the fan? Good question. One that has been haunting me in light of recent events. I am still crawling out of that puddle of tears. That torrential black current that drags you relentlessly across the jagged floor, allowing you to catch glimpses of light for a fleeting moment until your body gets slammed against the next unseen rock. There’s a big scary beast named Depression that lives down there, that silently eats away at your soul, leaving you weak and numb, and then paralyzed and completely helpless. Your chest screams as the beast rips your heart out, and you never knew how empty you could feel until you have no soul, no heart. Maybe you get angry, or maybe you were like me this time and just gave up, but something pulls you through. And then one day, you realize that while you are gasping for air you are finally able to drink it in, and laughter slowly restores your stolen soul, and your beating heart is placed, though shattered, back into your hands to hold and nurture. Somehow you find yourself at the edge of that awful black pool of water looking back, and although you can still touch that raw place you have just come from, you realize that somehow you will be OK. I have been wandering around trying to figure out just how it is that I am standing knee deep at the other side of that puddle, until one day I realized that it was simple. I found the strength and courage to continue on and refused to drown because of love.


I went into labor in the afternoon on the 13th of December. Since I hadn’t ever done this sort of thing before and wanting to finally be done with being pregnant, I made sure I kept moving to make sure labor didn’t slow down or stop on me. Sure enough, after making beds, walks, baths, and five dozen baked Christmas cookies, we were all convinced that I was indeed in labor. I will make this part of the story very brief. I was in labor with hard and heavy contractions every five minutes. I opted for an epidural at the 14th hour, which did nothing but take the pain away. I was given more drugs to dilate. Not making any progress they decided I should let the epidural wear off. Exhausted, I fell back into the excruciating pain of labor. With Andy and a midwife on either side, me pushing, one doctor pulling with all her might on the vacuum attached to Emma’s head and another pushing down with all her might on my stomach, Emma was finally born on December 14th, 22 hours later. Who ever said that giving birth is an incredible experience can kiss my ass. (No hard feelings to those who actually enjoyed this part of the ride.) I will be scheduling a cesarean the next time around.


I sigh because I have been completely uninspired to write lately, and as a result have been brow beating myself about falling behind on journals, blogs, correspondence with friends and family. Last night I sat myself down and wrote out my Christmas cards, a simple task, as well as a letter to an old friend (who’s really 87 years young) and I feel as if I can sit down again without my training wheels, or maybe with them (who knows) and write again. Aaaaahhhh… it does feel good to type.

Regardless, today is Thanksgiving, and since I will be roasting a chicken tomorrow (I can’t find a turkey) I feel like I need to rise to the challenge and post what I am thankful for.


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