January 2008


“…And I never saw nor heard from him/her ever again.”

Write a piece with the above sentence as the end. Fiction or non-fiction.

Posting Challenge idea from Erica 

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I collect moments because I am fully aware of my inability to sustain any of these feeling for an extended period of time.  There are five types of moments that I think are most important to me. 

1) Transcendent Moments – I search for moments outside myself when I feel connected to something incomprehensibly big whose memory holds the promise of another  such moment to come.  The last moment like this was just last week in the Alhambra in moonlight.  Because there are no images of God in Islam, the architecture and design are made to represent something eternal and peaceful, and I was deeply moved by it – not unlike how I have left in countless Buddhist temples.  The first one of these moments I remember was on Good Friday in a dark church after the last candle had been blown out and silence reigned.

(more…)

i keep getting asked, “so, how are you really doing?” like i might not be answering the question, “how are you doing?” honestly. the honest to goodness truth is, i’m doing just fine. i’m including a graph to help define “just fine” –

 

how-im-doin.png

now, i know that doesn’t look so good, looks pretty close to dismal maybe. But it is what it is. you know during the closing credits of the jetsons, when george yells, “jane, stop this crazy thing”? well, i’m pretty sure i know what he’s talking about. it’s not that i want to go home, or that i’m sorry we moved – it’s that it’s just so much, so fast. (more…)

I seem to have read a lot about handbags of late. By way of explanation I had a baby in September so I don’t get out much. Aside from my baby, low rent TV and magazines are pretty much my main sources of entertainment. According to my admittedly pedestrian sources we’ve had quite a few handbag related stories and incidents in recent months. Harriet Harman huffily proclaimed that she’d never spent more than £5o on a bag. Thousands of people who clearly had very little else to do queued for hours on end for a £5 Anya Hindmarch “I’m Not a Plastic Bag” tote, and Grazia magazine seems to wet itself on a fairly regular basis over the latest “It” bag. Its official – bags are the new shoes. Er, so to speak.

My own relationship with handbags has been an on/off one. I own a lot of bags. Some are cheap, some are what I like to call investments. Not that it’s relevant now because (and I suspect this is the fate of most “must have” bags) they’re now all stuffed in a cupboard. On the rare occasions that I do leave the house the only thing that can be seen dangling from my arm is my sons changing bag and, possibly, a string of dribble. It is for this reason, among others, that I will never own an It bag. I can’t pretend there’s not a part of me that wouldn’t like to. In the fantasy version of my life (oh come on we’ve all got one) I’m always thin, effortlessly well dressed and fabulously accessorised. This vision inevitably includes the sort of exquisitely stitched, soft-as-butter leather bag that just screams cash. Or, back in the real world, credit. Apparently, the mean average cost of a handbag in Selfridges is now somewhere in the region of £800. (more…)

What keeps me going when the shit hits the fan? Good question. One that has been haunting me in light of recent events. I am still crawling out of that puddle of tears. That torrential black current that drags you relentlessly across the jagged floor, allowing you to catch glimpses of light for a fleeting moment until your body gets slammed against the next unseen rock. There’s a big scary beast named Depression that lives down there, that silently eats away at your soul, leaving you weak and numb, and then paralyzed and completely helpless. Your chest screams as the beast rips your heart out, and you never knew how empty you could feel until you have no soul, no heart. Maybe you get angry, or maybe you were like me this time and just gave up, but something pulls you through. And then one day, you realize that while you are gasping for air you are finally able to drink it in, and laughter slowly restores your stolen soul, and your beating heart is placed, though shattered, back into your hands to hold and nurture. Somehow you find yourself at the edge of that awful black pool of water looking back, and although you can still touch that raw place you have just come from, you realize that somehow you will be OK. I have been wandering around trying to figure out just how it is that I am standing knee deep at the other side of that puddle, until one day I realized that it was simple. I found the strength and courage to continue on and refused to drown because of love.

(more…)


Double rainbow

What are those snapshot moments that you want to be able to recall for as long as you live?

This is a marvelous posting idea! Though I wish we could list so many more than just 5, I realize the benefit of having to choose a “Top 5” list. So, here are mine.

5) The day I received my graduate degree – I’m the first one ever, on my mother or my father’s side of the family, to receive a master’s degree. Plus, I finished while a single mother with 2 grade-schoolers and 1 pre-schooler, and I was working as a consultant and traveling while I finished my thesis. WOW. To have THAT much energy again!

4) The first time my oldest daughter said “Mommy” – I don’t remember all the details, which is odd, but I do remember the enormous feelings that washed over me on this day. It was like this “infant” had become human, and now was depending upon ME to do the right thing, and be there for them. I don’t care how many high-pressure jobs a person has to accomplish in life; by far, this is the most scary and significant one there is!

3) Meeting my “signficant other” – This may seem odd, but I’d never really felt “loved” before this. It has taken some time, but he has shown me the true power of “unconditional love”. I have, over the years, made a special effort to make sure my children know this is always there for them, but it was this man who taught me that having someone love you (and showing you that they do) can be a marvelous, uplifting and necessary part of life!

2) The day that I realized I wanted to be more/do more, with my life. I was probably 23, or 24, and I was talking with this professor from one of the graduate schools I was considering. He said something to the effect of “that would be the most advantageous thing for you to do”. Using advantageous in a regular sentence (or any intellectual-type word for that matter) was just something I’d never done! Okay, this probably seems stupid, but I guess the point is that for me, at that moment, I realized that there was so much more in life that I didn’t know about yet! I wanted to learn! THAT was exciting! I see myself on that day, happier than I can ever remember, with a smile that just radiated energy and determination. Of course time and “reality” took its toll over the years and I lost touch with that girl; I anticipate that the next decade of my life, I’ll be that girl again… I’m ready for it!

1) The day each of my children were born.I know that should probably be 3 entries, but the idea of each of these events is so significant that there is no question in my mind that, combined, they deserve my #1 “most significant” moment. Each and every day as my children grow into adults, I realize just how miraculous each of them are! Of course there are times when I could pull my hair out, and I would LOVE to ground them to their room until they are 48, but that’s rare compared to the moments I am thankful that I was lucky enough to be mother to three marvelous girls who are not afraid to share their heart and be who they were meant to be. I look forward to seeing them mature into adults and tackle the world.  I guess for the first time, I see something outside of myself and think “how proud I am to have been a part of that”.

I’m not really sure that these are “snapshots” as intended by the posting challenge, but thanks anyway, for the opportunity to remind myself of how much I have to be thankful for, and how meaningful life can be!

Roxanne, 39, South Dakota

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away” – Hilary Cooper.

What are those snapshot moments that you want to be able to recall for as long as you live?

Share up to 5 moments in your life that have taken your breath away or just simply treasure.

Posting challenge idea from Ruth

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