i love the snow. one of my favorite things about snow is that at night, when i’m looking out of my window, everything seems to glow. instead of being pitch black it is very bright and very peaceful. this is usually very calming for me, but tonight it’s just feeding a general melancholy that seems to have settled over me. it’s starting to sink in that we are moving. that some of the things i’m experiencing, i am experiencing for the last time and some of the people i am seeing i am seeing, perhaps, for the last time and some of the things that i am giving up are much more important to me than i realized. and as hard as it is to sell everything we own, pare all of our possessions down to what can fit in a few suitcases, it’s nothing compared to actually saying goodbye and moving on from the things that make up my life. saying goodbye to the friends who over time have become family, leaving behind experiences that have changed who i am – made me a much stronger and better person. these things that can’t be captured, how do you say goodbye?

making this all the more difficult is that we know so little about what we are doing. we know we are moving, we thought we knew we were moving in january – we still might be, we don’t really know, but we’re supposed to go on like the date won’t be changing. i don’t understand how we’re supposed to do this. sell or get rid of almost all we own, put our house on the market and make plans like in 6 weeks or so we will be moving to the other side of the world. and then what? when do we get answers? when do we know? at what point can they pull the rug out from under us? how much will we have given up? how much can we not get back? what will be left of our lives? i’ve quit a job, one that we can’t afford to live here without. i’ve given up a position on the board at my children’s school – something that is very fulfilling for me. a good deal of our stuff is already gone and while it can be replaced, there is no way to replace it for what we have sold it for. and still we move forward. we plan, we take action, we have faith that this is what we are supposed to be doing and we are committed. we said this is what we would do and this is what we are going to do.

is it too much to ask that the people in charge get on board with us? or that they at least keep us in the loop?

monica, colorado springs, 36