Phone conversation I had the other day with my girlfriend…

BRNNNGGG…BRNNNGGG…

Girlfriend: Hello?

Me: Hi, Girlfriend! How’s it goin’?

Girlfriend: OK. I’m just getting over a cold.

Me: Sounds like it. Your voice is scratchy. Almost sexy.

Girlfriend: Yup. That’s me. Kathleen Turner.

Me: Verrry sexy.

Girlfriend: Did I really tell my Bungle of Joy to “Get in the Fucking Car” today?

Me: I don’t know. Did you?

Girlfriend: Yup.

Me [suppressing laughter]: Why?

Girlfriend: Because she was standing at the top of the stairs, arms crossed, staring me down, and BoJ v.1 was already strapped in the car waiting. We were going to be late for CHURCH.

Me: Now isn’t that ironic.

Girlfriend: Yeah, swearing on your way to Church…like rushing off to Yoga.

Both: HA HA HA HA HA

Me: But, wait. Church. It’s Monday, not Sunday.

Girlfriend: We have Church Day Camp this week.

Me: “We?”

Girlfriend: Yeah, I’m a volunteer parent teacher.

Me: You teach parents?

Girlfriend: No, stupid, I teach kids. Voluntarily. With other parents.

Me: Are the other parents cool?

Girlfriend: Yeah, one of them said she told her kids to SHUT UUUUUUPPPPP! I think she was trying to make me feel better about dropping the F bomb. Normally parents don’t brag about that shit.

Me: There you go again.

Girlfriend: What?

Me: Fucking cursing.

Girlfriend: Yeah, well, the kids aren’t around.

[pause]

Me: So what do you parents voluntarily teach the kids at Church Day Camp?

Girlfriend: Games. Crafts. Bible Study.

Me: Bible Study?

Girlfriend: Yeah. Bible Study. Why?

Me: Well, you tell me. YOU’RE the one who told her kid to “Get in the Fucking Car” today.

Girlfriend: That wasn’t me, that was Kathleen Turner.

Me: Right.

Girlfriend: Right.

Janna, aka Happily Even After, 35, Seattle

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