As I thought about whether I tend to live in the past, the present or the future, the answer emerged easily, speedily. While a fast answer is convenient, it also brought unease as it clearly shows that I haven’t made as much progress in this area as I would have liked.

It’s something I’ve been noodling about for a while, and something I’ve been trying to adjust. This old habit of mine, though, appears to be hanging around. As Pooh used to say upon discovering an empty honey pot, “oh bother.”

If it’s time for anything, it’s time to fess up that I put a lot of energy into anticipating, imagining, building for the future. I want to be more in the here and now, to relish the present. I want there to be a better balancing point between all three. I’m certain I would get more out of my very good life if I were to achieve these two goals.

I could argue that the pending move to France is the source of my refurbished future orientation. It’s a big change happening months down the road. No wonder the future figures so largely! And, I have no doubt that I could conjure up other well-rounded arguments justifying my tendency. What nonetheless stands out — sharply silhouetted — is the disconnect between what I say I want and what I do.

At this moment, I’m very, very satisfied that I’ve spent time with this question. Yet, with the next breath I can feel the old pull to plan what comes next. I’m thinking this “moment to moment/being present” shit might drive me insane! Being more in the future may simply be me functioning in accordance with my design, or it may be a habit trying to regain the seat it briefly lost. And on and on this bouncy cogitation might go. Oh bother.

Following your nose is part of my modus operandi, and I believe my nose wants me to follow the scent of posting challenge no. 7. It wanted this scent to grab my attention, and it wants me to let it linger so that I can explore all of its themes and headnotes.

I also sense that it’s giving me permission to call back the hounds, take a breather, let this stuff percolate in the background, keep the awareness big but the steps forward small. There’s a new Rome trying to be built here, and it happens moment by moment, day by day, week to week, and so on.

Melissa, 38, Atlanta, USA

Advertisements