This is my second blog on love… or rather on acceptance against all odds. I had a phone call from my sister a couple of weeks ago. She wanted to talk about her daughter. Her daughter is a very intelligent and creative person. She is a very good student, speaks several languages, and is a talented website designer. She’s also very strong headed and opinionated – not an easy person to convince about anything.  She helped my sister through the marriage problems and subsequent illness. Sometimes I thought my sister relied too much on the girl, but they have very close relationship and, besides, who am i to judge?

 

The girl has grown up and gone to university. She was always a tomboy and last year she cut her hair really short. I thought she was gay but reality turned out to be more complex. My little niece wants to have a sex change operation!

 

When my sister told me, I became speechless (as probably most of you would). You are not really prepared for this kind of announcements in your family. My first thought was – what’s next, is my father a cross-dresser? (That would probably explain it).

 

I went to see niece and to talk to her. I tried to look at it from her point of view. What must be going in that little head to make her so unhappy about herself? When I talked to her I realised she’s very strongly convinced about her decision … and very naïve about it. She’s read a lot on the subject from Internet and she knows really well  how the operation looks. She also occasionally goes  to psychological workshops, what, eventually, will lead to the full sex change operation. Yet, she never met any transsexual person, and she believes her psychologist when he says that, once she becomes a boy, she’ll have to cut herself off from most of her friends and hide for the rest of her life. (My homeland is not particularly famed for a progressive approach towards sex change issues).

 

I suggested she came to London and spent some time in a transgender community here – she refused. She says she’d feel exposed. I tried to at least suggest a meeting in her town with another transgender person, who’s already went through the sex change, and whom I contacted through a friend – my niece went ballistic. According to her I try to meddle in her private life. She’s stubborn, defensive and suspicious. She almost threw me out.

 

My heart goes out to her- the road she’s chosen is so difficult – nobody should travel it alone, and yet she thinks she’ll manage. I just have to be there when she’s ready to ask for help. What else is there to do?

I’ve been going around it in my heads for weeks now. I love her regardless who she is. No matter if she grows a beard or has breasts implants – the essence of her remains the same, doesn’t it?

Kasha, 33, currently in London

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