Before I met the dreadfully charming Mr. Right*, I always wondered how I’d know when I’d met the ONE. It wasn’t so much that I thought there was only one (1) soulmate out there for me. It was more that I knew I’d be choosing someone to spend my life with (bigamy being illegal and all) and I wanted that person to be right for me. I had this immense fear that, five or ten or fifty years from my wedding day, I’d wake up and realize I’d made the worst mistake of my life and chosen the wrong one.
I remember sitting on an old davenport in a tiny cabin on the Washington coast years ago, having a tearful conversation with Mr. R about this very concerning concern. He was pretty convinced that we were IT. Yes, but how did he know? I still wasn’t sure.
Finally, he said in pure flabergastation (flabergastification? flabergastedness?) something like this:
There is no ONE. No one that exists out there in pure form, in spiritual perfection, in theoretical bliss. We make it the one every single day…in what we say to each other, in how we treat each other, in what we do together. On dog walks and in car rides, over dinners and through disagreements. So stop looking for some theoretical one out there in never-never land. And agree to make this the one, each and every day, with me.
uh…OK.
And that little no-brainer was how I knew the dreadfully charming Mr. Right was the one for me.
How did you know your guy/gal was the ONE for you?
Janna, aka Happily Even After, 35, Seattle
*Actually, I continued to wonder how I’d know I’d met the one long after I FIRST met Mr. R. See, I dated him in college (he broke my heart), I dated him 5 years later (I broke his heart), and it wasn’t until 10 years after our first tryst that we finally got our act together. But that’s a whole ‘nother post all together.
May 24, 2007 at 5:00 pm
I think if someone had said to me what your Mr R said to you – he would have been my ‘One’ too! Wow what an incredible speech!
I don’t know how I knew my boyf was Mr Right – we just fell into it and it seemed (and still is) pretty perfect. Don’t get me wrong – we both annoy each other with our bad habits, but he’s still the one I want to be with.
May 24, 2007 at 7:03 pm
wow!! i want to tell you again how much i love your blog even though i’m not married, not in Seattle and all that…but i love reading your writing!!
and, Mr. R’s speech sounds almost exactly like what i told my ‘One’ as i was driving him to the airport a while back…i feel that we choose the ‘One’ every day, we make them stay the ‘One’ with commitment and love and effort and grace.
it’s just knowing that this one is the ‘One’ who is worth that commitment. how i know is that with him, the work seems effortless…i want to do the things it takes to maintain us. we went through a series like you described – he broke my heart, i broke his…and then, i am so glad he was open to it when i decided that he was my ‘One’ and i was going to get him back. we are lucky women indeed!!
May 24, 2007 at 7:17 pm
I comment on this page from time to time, (even though I’m not a 30 something woman) so I hope that it’s ok that I respond to this. My intrusion into your world will be brief – I promise.
We went through a seperation period and during that period she was going through a tough time of her own. Now usually, I’m pretty cut and dried – if it’s over, it’s over. However, even though we were apart (and it was not of my choosing) I was consumed with an overwhelming urge to reach out to her, to ease her suffering if at all possible, it was self-less desire for the best reasons. That’s when I knew. It wasn’t about ‘making it up to her’ or doing the right thing, or winning her back. My only concern was her well-being.
it still is, and luckily, she shares my sentiments.
Ok, maybe not brief, but not too long!
May 24, 2007 at 7:37 pm
hey tony – all are welcome here
thanks for reading and commenting – we really appreciate it
May 30, 2007 at 6:10 pm
[...] Seattle, USA — happilyevenafter @ 6:10 pm Last week, after almost 4 years of marriage, the dreadfully charming Mr. Right and I stood before a judge in Seattle District Court after listening to small-claims-”this [...]
October 24, 2007 at 6:02 am
[...] So anyway, back to the point. I turned to the higher powers of google and found something that actually caught my attention right away. This blog entry is quite possibly one of the first real and honest musings on how you know when you have found The One. It’s by no means the definitive answer, as I truly don’t think any one of us can attempt to make love so black and white, BUT it does give good food for thought. Thanks to Janna of Seattle for sharing her story in Thirty Voices. [...]
March 24, 2008 at 2:26 am
I was first attracted to Andy when I saw his dimples and smile across a crowded room. Later, when we first spoke, everyone else disappeared. Time stopped. When I drove away from that encounter, I felt as if the world was a different place. He didn’t complete me (as the saying goes) he completed the world for me. Within weeks, a coworker commented, “You’ve got a spring in your step.” And I did. It was Andy. It was love. That was nearly 6 years ago. He’s my roommate now. My best friend. The man I want to know for my whole life
Thanks for asking, Janna.
March 24, 2008 at 2:30 am
Oh, and I forgot to answer the question — I knew when I read his writing. He e-mailed me a story he had published. I read it and wept. I knew then, that I would fall in love with him.
Such romance. It does happen . . . amazing.
November 23, 2008 at 10:43 am
I am 16. (sorry not thirty something)
I have never been into dating but I have met one girl who has made me feel something I have never felt before. I have had this feeling for about a year now and have not really acted on it. I asked her to the movies as just a friend but she didnt really want to. I think that there is such a thing as “the one” but in my case it is one way.
Ah well. There is more to life then just relationships.