After almost a year break, following a disastrous relationship, I decided to get back in the game and start dating again. I never was a huge fan of dating. The whole idea has always felt a bit strange to me. Whilst a lot of people treat it as a nice opportunity of expanding their social circle (if nothing else), for me it’s more of a torture to put it mildly. I’m left in the dark by the whole concept of seating in front of a stranger, desperately trying to find things in common. I can do it as friends – no problem at all. However, as soon as the word “date” is mentioned, my mind goes blank and I do a panicky retreat. I’m more a “meet accidentally and click” kind of a person.
This time around I’ve decided to show more courage, and become more active in the dating game. ….And the result? My dating partner (or should I say victim) is a lovely, relaxed, Australian man, who is persistent and resistant enough to try and woe me…. and I’m simply horrified. I can’t really put my finger on it. I feel really relaxed in his company, he makes me laugh, the chemistry is right, he calls when he says so, he makes me breakfast in bed… yet, I’m in a complete state of panic. No idea, if it’s him, me, or my past, bad experiences. One of the co-bloggers on this side wrote how she moved countries to join her new man… I can hardly make myself pick up the phone and call my date. So… here’s my question to all of you, dear ladies….. What makes people click? Does it have something to do with age and/or experience? The more knocks you get in love, the more experiences you collect, do you become more cynical and more resistant to romance? And, on another hand- what make people fall in love? What is this moment that you suddenly know you want to be with the other person for good? What is this mysterious switch that makes you either turn up the volume, or switch it completely off? If any of you know the answer, I’m desperately looking for it…..
Kasha, 33, London
PS. For the time being I quietly hyperventilate to myself before my dates and just keep on persevering hoping the life solves this puzzle for me.
April 23, 2007 at 5:57 pm
Oh girl … I wish there were easy answers out there!
My advice to you is to let go – at least a little. Enjoy the relationship. Let your guard down a bit. I know it’s hard after being hurt in your last relationship, but you won’t know if this one is right for you unless you sink into it a little bit. LET him woo you!
I just started dating someone and it’s been about a year since my husband and I split. I kept this new guy at arm’s distance. But finally, I said, “OK, let’s see where this goes.”
Have fun and happy dating!
Lola, 32, Seattle
April 23, 2007 at 7:30 pm
I have been thinking all weekend for an answer to your questions and I have come to the conclusion that there isnt really one. Helpful huh? I will say that Lola’s advise is very wise. I am attaching a link that you might find interesting but its from a very scientific point of view and I think we all know love can be very illogical at times!
http://www.scienceandsex.com/desiredmate1.html
April 24, 2007 at 6:22 pm
The very wise Kahlil Gibran wrote:
“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.”
So I think your “meet accidentally and click” approach is spot on. But once you kind of click with someone, how do you decide if they’re the “right one?” I take a stab at that one here:
http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/happilyevenafter/archives/114225.asp
But it sounds like you’re just trying to figure out if you can make it to the next date. Well, I think love’s like a glass of water. You might think you’re falling in or out of love, but you really don’t KNOW till the glass actually overflows–and then, well, there’s water everywhere and you know. So you either dump the guy, or live happily even after.
Kasha, my advice? Trust yourself. Just keep pouring till you know.
April 27, 2007 at 11:17 am
I moved to another country to marry my husband and nobody was was surprised than me when we got together.
He is absolutely nothing like any of the guys I had been with before so I have one piece of advice for you (well it worked for me!)
I made a conscious effort to forget all my preconceived ideas of what I was looking for in a man and I consciously did not compare him to any of his predecessors.
And I realised that I had been luck enough to meet one of the kindest and most caring people I know.